I just don’t know how to handle this.

This post is really, really personal.


These couple of months and days have been a disaster.

Last February my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. I had never seen my family so destroyed. My grandmother, my mother, my aunt, my uncle. I just couldn’t. They, they all look so strong. They’re trying to make everything look better, they’re always there for him, for each other.

My mother said she already knew. My uncle hid his feelings, because he’s really good at doing that, and tried to add some humor to the situation, as he’s always happy. My aunt, she cried. I had never seen my aunt cry. Never.

My grandmother, i guess she might be the strongest here. Never saw her cry, never saw her sad or anything in front of any of us. She’s always worrying about my grandfather, and encouraging him to go on, she’s treating him as if nothing had happened: she still yells at him and tell him what to do.

Today, after this big argue we had with her, (because we’re always arguing), my mom called and told me “Wanda, whatever you’re doing STOP. I just can’t believe your grandmother called me and told me you yelled at her! Don’t you know what is she going through? She has to be at home all day seeing how life is happening to her brother, her mate, HER LOVER. So can you please STOP? When you were younger and i argued with her, you used to tell me “Mom, grandma is old, and she will never change, so why can’t you just get on?” So STOP, OKAY? It’s not fun, I never heard her cry! So you better STOP! …”

And i just hanged the phone.

Enough, please.

Why can’t I just make it stop?