2am future rant.

So it’s almost 2 am. And i’ve got a bunch of dishes to wash, an upcoming exam on Tuesday and nothing done and an infinite number of thoughts that i need to let go. Or at least understand.Oh, yeh, and i have to take a shower.

Thought writing might help.

Just finished watching “LOL”, a quite random teen romantic comedy. Miley Cyrus was there, but that’s not the point. I just started thinking about life, and if that kind of thing that the movie showed me was actually a “normal” teenager’s life.

Because it’s nothing like my life.

I totally know there’s not such thing as “normal”, but i can find a pattern when i think and analyze somebody else’s life. I see myself, now as a 20-year-old teenager, locked up in thoughts about my future. Because it’s all about it.

I might not buy something in order to save, because i need to pay for my europe trip next year. I may not buy that drink at that party, because i don’t want to spend money, because i really want to save. I might not eat bread, because i wanna be fit. Not for today, because i wanna be fit also in the future. That’s why i work out everyday.And so on.

Then i just see these people, the ones from the movies, and the ones next door. Even those on my facebook newsfeed. They are all enjoying life now. Despite any matter, they’re all happy now. today. in the place they are. From my friends living in Brazil, in England, in Denmark to those that live crossing the street. They are happy and enjoying what they do and where they are. Or at least that’s what it seems.

Maybe i’m wrong. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe i just have a lot of expectations on a future life that makes me feel that what i’m living now it’s just a dead time in between what i have to be now and what i’m planning to become tomorrow.

I just wish i could change my mind, and turn those thoughts over.

Because i wanna be grateful for what i have become, for what i am, for what i have and for all the chances i get.

But my whole life has been redeem to a future that’s taking time to reach.

I always think there’s gonna be something better, that’s why i live the way i do it.

I don’t care if it’s wrong or right. I’m just not comfortable in my own shoes right now.

 

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