So lately I’ve found myself joking with one of my friends, about having a boyfriend. We’re both in some kind of moment where we maybe (well i’m sure that he really) wants a partner. Well, partner, couple, boyfriend. But none of us want whoever comes. We want THE ONE.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, the one. That one that everyone talks about but nobody can actually define properly. For some, the one may be the guy that’s hot and has tons of money, for others, the guy that is cute and buys chocolates and roses and teddy bears. For me? Well, let’s just start from the beggining.
There’s not a proper definition of The One in my case. I don’t even know if i want a one. I’ve always found myself confident and comfortable on my own, and sometimes that feeling of loneliness came by, but everything was fine as i logged into Tumblr, haha. But, returning to the point, i’ve never been one of those girls who didn’t feel loved because they didn’t have a couple. I just never thought it would be a priority. And i’m still a bit confused about that: I don’t believe I could be able to have a boyfriend, as i get easily bored, my mood changes all the time, i’m quite an idiot sometimes and I certainly have lots of plans for my future, that wouldn’t change for anything. Or anyone.
Sounds selfish, really selfish, disgustingly selfish. But that’s me and what i think. I don’t want to feel bad at anytime saying “Oh, because of being with you, i couldn’t follow my dreams”. No, no regrets and no frustration. It’s not easy to live with our choices, but we can’t blame others for the consequences. At any time of our lives. So i don’t wanna drag anyone with me when it comes to my personal goals and to achieving them.
Though at the same time, I believe I’m saying this without thinking on the “non-rational/emotional” side of the matter. Maybe having a boyfriend is actually beautiful: having someone to share stuff and moments with, hang out together, create other non-selfish plans and set goals, have fun, have fights, make up, laugh until you can’t get up from the floor, cry until you think your heart is gonna stop beating, kiss until your lips are sore and spend endless nights with a person you find incredible and uncomparable, special and not-possibly-existent but in your dreams.
A relationship with the one, works between two. That’s certainly a team work.
And up to now, I’ve sucked at all my team projects.
I’ve always chosen to do everything on my own.
Still don’t know whether i’m wrong or right.
Notebook of thoughts 